The Last Goodbye
by justanothersquint
Summary: Post-Revelations  Season 3    What if Buffy found out Xander had the chance to stop her from killing Angel after Willow restored his soul? Xander/Buffy pairing. Sorry folks.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They are created by Joss Whedon and they belong to him. **

**Author's note: Please feel free to leave feedback. I want this story to be off track after the episode of "Revelations" in Season 3. I was watching it last night and I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Basically, everything that happened after this episode is being changed now. Hope you guys enjoy!**

"_So this is it, huh? You go your way, I go mine?"_

"_That's it," the blonde said, forcing back the tears in her green eyes._

"_It'll be hard you know. We see each other every day at school; we'll run into each other at the Bronze. We'll even-"_

"_We'll manage, Xander."_

_Running his tongue over his lips in desperation, he stepped in her path when she tried to move past him. "But you need me, Buff. I'm your white knight remember? We're a team."_

"_I don't need anyone. I've slayed without you before, I can do it again." Tucking a loose section of her blonde hair behind her pierced hear, she brushed past him. "Goodbye, Xander," she said quietly, never once turning her attention back to him._

It was a nightmare for both of them. The end of their friendship might as well have been the end of the world. As she stared at the ceiling from her spot in her bed, she knew that Xander was right. She needed him. He had been there every moment she needed him to be whether it was to save her from being harmed or to just hold her when she needed to be. But she didn't understand what his motive was for hurting her the way he did. She had been in the dark with Willow's plan for bringing Angel's soul back and just now she was learning that Xander knew about it before it happened. Before she went off and stabbed her former lover and sent him back to hell.

Of course she felt something different right before she killed Angel, but her mind wasn't in the right place and she stabbed him anyway. If she would have known that for certain Angel was back and Angelus no longer existed, she would have spared him.

But it had been Xander's job to tell her, to save her from the pain she had been feeling for way too long.

Brushing the tears away from her cheeks, she pushed her bangs back from her face. She stifled the cries that were trying to break free from her throat, but she was losing. The last thing she needed was her mother coming in to see what was wrong. She buried her face into her soft pillow, letting it muffle her cries as well as catch her tears.

"Buffy, sweetie? You're gonna be late for school."

The mother of the slayer pushed her daughter's bedroom door open and stepped cautiously inside. She knew of her daughter's double life and while she was scared to death that something would happen to her, she was even more worried that something was emotionally wrong with her at that moment. She sat down on the edge of the bed and peered over Buffy's sleeping form. She could tell that her face was a little puffier than normal, and she was clutching her covers so hard her knuckles were white. Lifting a hand, Joyce pushed back the younger girl's hair and shook her gently with her free hand.

Buffy mumbled in protest, but eventually allowed her swollen eyes to open. "Hm?"

"You need to get up if you're going to make it to school. I have breakfast ready, so get changed and come downstairs. I'll drive you."

"Could you call me in sick?" Buffy asked, turning onto her back and forcing herself to sit up a little. "I'll have Willow bring me my homework."

"Only if you want to give Principal Snyder another reason to hunt your every move." Joyce backed up a little bit when Buffy started to pull the covers off of her. The sunlight hit her daughter's face, letting her see just how swollen it was. "Oh, Buffy. Were you up all night crying?"

"Not all night. The majority, yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No offense, but I'd rather talk about slayer issues than normal teenage girl issues."

"Could you at least give me a hint? You're being given the chance to talk to your mother like a normal teenage girl. Take advantage of it."

Buffy knew her mother was right. She could talk to Willow about it sure, but this was a case where a mother's advice would be perfect. The only thing was she would have to lie to her mother just a bit. She couldn't tell her Angel was back and that started the fight between her and Xander. But she could tell her that her best friend lied to her.

"It's Xander."

Joyce nodded and brushed her daughter's hair back again so she could see her face better. "Hm, boy troubles."

"Not like that. He lied to me. I know he thought he was doing the right thing, but he didn't. Not in my eyes, anyway."

"What happened, Buffy?"

Taking in a deep breath, she let it out slowly shortly after. It would hurt more now that she was actually saying it out loud. However it could be worse, she could be standing in front of the guy who did all this to her while pouring her heart out to him. "When Angel changed, my job was to kill him. Long story short, I had the opportunity and I took it. Willow was trying to give Angel his soul back, to turn him into what he was when I met him. It put her in the hospital once and I didn't want her to do it again. I guess she tried again and she told Xander to relay the message before I did something stupid, like put a sword through Angel's chest." Forcing the tears back once more, she took in a shaky breath and tucked her blonde hair behind her ears. "Willow's spell worked, Angel changed back." She paused and pushed herself up to a standing position. "But I killed him anyway."

Joyce stayed silent for a few moments, letting her daughter calm down as well as allowing the information to sink into her own mind. Standing up, she wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders and kissed the side of her head. "I'm sure he thought he was doing what was best for everyone. But I can't tell you what to think or what to do. I can only tell you that I know you'll do the right thing and in time you'll forgive him. It may hurt, but he loves you Buffy. He wouldn't do anything to deliberately hurt you."

Buffy looked up at her mom and smiled. "Thanks, Mom." Taking in a relaxed breath, she clapped her hands together and sighed. "Mind if I'm late for school? I feel like I should shower to get the swelling in my face down. Plus I want to make a dramatic entrance during English class."

Joyce laughed and nodded. "I'll call the school and put your food in the microwave." Leaving her daughter in the room alone to start getting ready, she closed the door and made her way downstairs to call Sunnydale High.

Walking over to her closet, Buffy stared into the abyss of clothes and pondered what to wear. The vengeful streak in her was coming out. Even though what her mother said was probably right, Buffy was stubborn and couldn't see past her own ways of thinking. She thought was Xander did was selfish and out of pure jealousy. She felt he wanted to see Angel dead so Buffy would be alone, so she would need someone to pick up the pieces and he would be there to do it.

Over her dead body. She started to feel the same attitude she felt when she returned to Sunnydale after 'dying' under the hands of the Master.

She wanted to hurt Xander Harris, to take his love for her and use it against him.


End file.
